Self-pitying singles beware. This Valentine’s Day, Cupid wears black.

“I hate victims,” said Susan Shapiro, author of a new book, “Secrets of a Fix-Up Fanatic,” about matchmaking and finding a mate. “I just can’t deal with people who are victims, especially if you are an architect of your own misery.”

Yet this self-proclaimed “raging feminist who loves men and marriage” isn’t above having a good time on Valentine’s Day. Rather than setting a menu of chocolate, roses and heart-shaped Mylar balloons, Shapiro wants singles to make the holiday their own.

“Take a holiday like this and do something great for yourself,” Shapiro said. She suggested going out with good friends, throwing a party or even locking the door and listening to your favorite band (she mentioned Black Sabbath).

“Fix-Up Fanatic” may come with a hot-pink cover, but it’s not all conventional wisdom. That’s because raven-haired Shapiro – who wore a voluminous black parka over a low-cut black dress for this interview – isn’t your traditional matchmaker.

The writer of three other confessional books, including a memoir called “Five Men Who Broke My Heart,” Shapiro professes to draw her material from her life – including her happy relationship with her husband, whom she met through a friend – and experience fixing up her friends.

She advocates marriage (or its more accessible cousin, a committed relationship), but not for any moral reasons. Instead, she cites studies that say people in committed relationships are generally healthier and happier.

If you’re looking for a serious relationship, Shapiro recommends deploying a network of trusted friends and family to find and screen dates, a method she believes is better than trolling bars and internet dating services. But Shapiro also infuses the hunt for someone special with self-therapy lessons.

Her central theme is self-empowerment. She says her favorite line from the book is “Love doesn’t make you happy, you make yourself happy,” – something her therapist once told her. But she blasts singles who insist on following their hearts, even if that heart wants its own way all the time.

“They never compromised themselves personality-wise,” Shapiro said. “They were so stubborn – ‘I’m going to be myself’ – that they never figured out how to live with another human being.”

Shapiro rails against 30-something singles who whine about not finding that fantasy mate and are hung up on their ideas of what love should be.

“My attitude is, let’s try something different and it only benefits you ultimately,” Shapiro said. She cited examples of friends who dismiss their dates for the most superficial details, like not wearing fashionable shoes.

“Try something different” means many things. Singles can consider going back to school, moving to a new place, getting a therapist, listening to their mother, not listening to their mother and gardening (OK, maybe not the last one). The point, it seems, is to do something – anything – and eventually you’ll stumble on an opportunity and meet someone special.

Shapiro repeatedly discusses the problem of unrealistic expectations. She devotes an entire chapter to demythologizing love and marriage, discounting such notions as instantaneous chemistry, having a “type,” and believing that good relationships happen without work. She faults the entertainment industry for these misconceptions.

“Everything about my books is to tie everything down and get rid of the Hollywood bullshit,” she said.

Shapiro may detest Hollywood’s myths of romance, but she has no qualms about adopting Hollywood’s love of self-promotion. For Valentine’s Day, the New York resident has set up some catchy tie-in events, including a “Fix-Up Valentine’s Soiree” and “How to Fix Up Your Friends Talk.” Women who bring single men get a discount.

No doubt these get-togethers are for publicity, but Shapiro also feels Valentine’s Day is a great time to for the valentine-less to begin the search for the right partner.

“My own experience was that I find that Valentine’s Day is a fun time to actually meet someone if you do it right – which is to go out with a bunch of friends that you love.”